How to Text a Guy
So there’s a guy you like, but what in the world should you text him about and how should you do it? You definitely want him to share the same feelings that you have for him, but you know you’re nervous and don’t want to say the wrong thing or approach it in the wrong way. Well, you’re in luck because we have some advice for you! We are going to start off with 4 general tips to keep your crush texting mindset strong and then move onto more specific tips about what to text him and how to get him to text you first.
It can be tempting to try to talk to him in a way that makes you seem “cool” or to only talk about things that you think he would find interesting, but you should resist this temptation. While you should definitely be cognizant and respectful of his interests, remember that you are not trying to be just like him. People don’t need to have everything in common in order to be romantically compatible. If you seem to magically have everything in common with him, he may find it to be too much of a coincidence to be authentic or he may begin to think of you as one of the guys. In the long run, if he likes you when you’re pretending to be someone else, your relationship won’t go anywhere because you won’t be able to maintain (and you wouldn’t want to maintain) a false identity. Compatibility is about two people being a match without needing to force it. Just because he’s cute and you have a crush on him doesn’t mean he is actually right for you!
2Don’t Over-analyze, But Be Strategic
Although thinking about what you should say and analyzing his responses is a normal part of having a crush, crushes are supposed to be fun so you shouldn’t overanalyze things. You want him to like you for who you are, so you shouldn’t stress yourself out about setting rules for how long you have to wait before texting him back or worry about finding the “perfect” thing to say. The only way you can figure out if you’re a match is if you’re both true to yourselves so your gut instinct is usually a safe bet when it comes to texting. Having said that, there is a difference between overanalyzing and just being strategic. For example, if you’ve noticed that he doesn’t respond to your texts on Wednesday nights, it’s not “overanalyzing” to hold back on texting him during times when you know he won’t respond. Here’s another tip: try to think about how your texts to him would come across to you if you were on the receiving end. For example, does every one of your initiation texts use a formula about something “making you think of them?” Do you often ask questions that you clearly could have easily gotten the answer from someone closer to you? If you think about how thinly veiled these excuses to get in touch would look if someone sent them to you, you will probably realize that these opening lines aren’t as suave as you think they are. It’s a good idea to think about any patterns in texting that you are unconsciously using that may make you look desperate. Basically, just think about how you are texting him as if you were an outside observer. Be strategic, but don’t spend hours stressing over how to ask him how his day went.
3Find A Balance Between Enthusiasm and Patience
We touched on this point above, but do not set rules for yourself about “when” you are allowed to text him. Once you are texting with him consistently, you will need to find a balance about when to initiate and when to hold back. Even though you’re super eager to respond when you get his texts and want to keep the conversation constantly going, remember that this can make him feel pressured. You don’t need to intentionally ignore his texts for hours to seem “unavailable” but you also shouldn’t make it seem like you will drop everything you are doing just to text him, or give the impression that you expect him to do that for you. Even if he likes you to, he is not going to want to text you constantly and you could push him away if you are constantly assaulting him with communications.
4Stay Busy and Don’t Wait Around
This tip is not about “pretending to be busy” in order to make you seem more interesting to him. Instead, this piece of advice is about helping you to maintain your sanity since texting a crush can be nerve-wracking! Even though you like him, you still have a life and you shouldn’t put everything on pause. A trap that a lot of girls fall into is that they get super excited about a new crush and get very invested early and then if it doesn’t end up lasting long, it feels extra devastating because they put so much emotional energy into a texting routine. The bottom line is that it will work out or it won’t, and you make sure that you are prepared to handle either outcome.
What To Text Him
The key about finding the right thing to text him is keeping it fresh. It’s totally okay to text him classic ice-breakers like “I heard a song and it reminded me of you” or to ask him a question that you could have found the answer to by yourself. Just remember to mix up your tactics so that you don’t come across as needy or obvious!
5Ask him for his expertise on something he is passionate about
Guys love being helpful, especially when it’s about something they are passionate about. If you know he loves cars and you have a car question, he will be more than happy to help. Plus, he’ll be flattered that you remembered he loves cars.
6A link to a story you think he’d find interesting
You can add a little note asking for his thoughts on the topic as well. This is a great texting maneuver because it’s not corny or too obviously flirty, but it totally opens the door to conversation.
Give him a compliment: It’s no secret, people love compliments! Maybe he posted about an accomplishment on facebook, or you heard through the grapevine that he did something cool. Either way, this is a great way to put a smile on his face and present you in a positive light!
7Invite him to hang out
You don’t need to invite him on a date per se, and it can be in a group setting if you think that would be more comfortable. Although tradition holds that guys are supposed to make the first move, you don’t need to stick to this rule. If you want to hang out with him, you have the power to ask him. He may not want to, but there’s no reason not to try!
How To Get Him To Text You First
Although some girls feel totally comfortable making the first move when it comes to texting, it’s also totally normal to want him to make the first move first. Below are some tips to get him to text you first and take the reigns when it comes to initiating text conversations!
8Impress him when you hang out
If you make a great impression when you see each other in person, he’s probably going to want to see you again so he will be inspired to text you first
9Tell him that you never make the first move on a guy
Some guys don’t want to make the first move because they are afraid of rejection, but if he knows flat out that you will not make the first move, he will know that it’s up to him to get something going.
10Put effort into having interesting conversations over text
If he enjoys communicating with you, he will be inspired to get in touch with you. Try to elevate your texting game and demonstrate extra effort to talk about non-generic topics. If you make an impression with your texting, he will want to initiate.
11End conversations and say you look forward to chatting next
If you end the conversation with a reference to talking again soon, he will know that he has an invitation to text you. Although a lot of guys pretend to be confident, many are deterred from texting a girl first because they’re nervous about rejection. If you don’t want to initiate, but want him to text you first, you should strive to give him the impression that he won’t regret putting himself out there.
Texting with your crush can feel overwhelming and scary, but most of this pressure is self-inflicted. You may be tempted to over-analyze things, but remember that he is just a person! The worst thing that can happen is that he doesn’t like you back, and if that’s the case, he did you a favor because he helped you narrow down your search for the guy who is actually right for you!